10 things I have learnt from my long walk

1. Sheep are stupid. And very sheepish. If they are behind a fence, they will baa and baa at you until the cows come home. They must know it has no effect at all, apart from to be really annoying. It just made my lamb chops that evening even more tasty. Conversely, if there is no barrier between you and them, they scuttle away.

2. It never rains on rest days. In other words, when you don’t have to go out, the weather is fine, with the likelihood of wet weather tomorrow when you have 20 miles on your schedule.

3. The further north you go, the more likely it is that the pubs are shut at lunch time on workdays. The probability of this occurrence is also inversely proportional to the number of shops selling food.

4. The roads are straighter where population density is lowest. This just underlines the isolation and vulnerability.

5. Your accommodation in any particular town is always at least 15 minutes’ walk past any sign saying, “Welcome to [said town]”. If it is raining, it is usually 30.

6. You always feel differently, one way or the other, to the question, “would you like a full cooked breakfast?” when asked the night before, rather than in the morning.

7. The position of the wardrobe in your room is always the same place as the position of your bathroom the previous night.

8. Flood water is always deeper than it looks, the multiplication factor being proportional to the number of miles you still have to walk that day in the same socks and boots.

9. The number of views of your blog is much higher if you are reporting either a very good day, or a very bad day. If it is average, nobody cares! However, the number of comments of support is significantly greater, the worse the day has been.

10. If you are taking that million dollar picture in the rain, the one raindrop that hits the screen of your tablet will always hit either the ‘back’, ‘close’ or ‘delete’ icon.

So there we go, I have learnt a lot. Number 11 is never to do this walk ever again. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, far from it, but been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

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