I have been contacted by a Mr Big from a telephone number in Asia and he asked me for some ‘realistic odds’ on my walk:
I will find that the route on the ground is completely different to that on either Google Earth or Ordnance Survey maps: Bound to be, somewhere. 1-4.
I will get so lost that I will cry: Around 7-2 (and that’s being optimistic; I’d get your money on that one)
I will lose my mobile phone: Evens. Most likely to leave it in a B&B somewhere.
I will lose precisely one glove: Tough one, again around Evens. I will have to keep that quiet, throw the other one away and claim that they wore out.
I will tell a lie somewhere in my blog: Ooh, about 1-5, if you include exaggeration
I will sleep rough at least one night: I reckon about 3-1. There may well be some problem at some time with somewhere that I have already booked. Plenty of bus shelters etc – and it wouldn’t hurt for one night?
I will be so desperate for a wee that I will do it in a secluded wooded area: Oh, almost definitely. Certainly it’s happened before. About 1-10.
I will be so desperate for a poo that I will do it in a secluded wooded area: Mmmm. Less likely, probably odds against, but I don’t want to tempt fate. Around 2-1.
I will receive at least one proposal of marriage: Oh, who wouldn’t? About Evens (hopefully female). Don’t worry, nothing will happen (no odds available).
I will have a first aid kit that can treat anything and everything apart from the one thing that I suffer: 4-6.
I will be asked by a policeman, “What’s in that bag of yours, sir?”: I’m not black, I won’t be travelling through London, so quite unlikely. 8-1.
I will be attacked by a dog, whose owner says, “He’s only playing”: Odds on, just a case of when. 2-5.
I will do a live link up to a meeting at work: About a million to one.
I will take a bung on one of these bets: 1-100 if the money is good enough (and it would go to my charity)